The Environmental Kingdom Associates Committee,
P.O Box All Around the World,
24th December, 2015
To Peoples of the Earth,
All Around the World,
Dear World Inhabitants,
It is the merry making season again. I am sure you are all excited. That is, everyone except us, the environmental kingdom. This is because of what we go through because of your activities. As the EAC, we are writing to you to tell you that IF YOU CANNOT BIN YOUR TRASH, KINDLY STAY HUNGRY! Be mindful of us this season as you celebrate.
Whereas we have been getting joyous reports from the urban parts of the kingdom, we have been receiving complaints from the rural part. The reason being littering. The urbanites are celebrating a break from the humongous amounts of litter that are dropped upon them since the humans are travelling to the rural areas while the rural area are under so much agony over the same.
The rural clans have seen a surge in littering especially along roads. They have been hit with all manner of trash ranging from plastic bottles to sweet wrappers and even alcoholic cans. In their own words, “people from urban areas bring their littering habit to our side of town.” This has led to an increase in grasses being hospitalized due to suffocation and poisoning from the liquids they endure. They have no idea how much damage will be caused nor how many funerals they are expected to hold.
The clans have also complained about the laxity of the human population in understanding where they are coming from, labelling them as insensitive and ungrateful given all the things we do for them. It has taken numerous interventions from our committee to quell down the rage that they feel. However, we are afraid that we cannot protect you any longer if you continue to behave like savages.
The urbanites on the other hand, are having a huge celebration that for the next one week, they will get to breathe in fresh air. News of the upcoming parties has been spreading everywhere like wildfire. We are unable to explain how they can dislike human beings so much that they can celebrate their exit for a week. Perhaps it is because the humans do nothing but step on them and treat them with no respect.
While this littering mistreatment has been reduced in developed countries, developing countries have not done much towards it. As a result, we are looking for champions from developing countries to advance our cause. At this point, we would like to thank all the countries that have dedicated resources into improving our lives through fining littering, holding cleanups, volunteering, but more importantly, having people who actually think about us enough to bin their trash and report if they see someone mistreating us. We are also grateful for those that have taken time to do research on the impacts litter has on us. It is during such researches that we get listened to and our voices and opinions taken into consideration. May God give those guys long lives and favour to be before earthly kings and put our plights forward.
All in all, let us not forget the reason for this letter to you. Please treat us well during this festive season. Stop being sources of misery by littering. Allow me to get real: DO NOT EAT ANYTHING THAT WILL LEAVE TRASH ON YOUR HAND UNLESS YOU ARE SURE YOU WILL BIN IT. NO ONE APPRECIATES LEFT OVERS! IF YOU LITTER, YOU ARE RUBBISH or like we say it in our native language, Kiswahili, “UKITUPA TAKA TAKA WEWE NI TAKATAKA!
That said, I hope you will take the words of this letter into consideration. We would also like to request the authorities to take us more seriously because we can only take so much shit from you and your peoples. A retaliation is upon you. Look at our family member Climate Change. It is only a matter of time. Style up or be very afraid! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Thank you and kind regards,
The TEKAC TEAM